


A Shoulder to Cry On

by Harmony283



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drabble, Gen, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24703456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harmony283/pseuds/Harmony283
Summary: Allen let out a watery-sounding laugh against his shoulder and reached out with one hand, twisting it in the fabric of his Exorcist jacket like it was a lifeline, “Thanks.” He muttered, followed by a soft, “Sorry. Give me a minute.”
Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker
Comments: 8
Kudos: 114





	A Shoulder to Cry On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a1y_puff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1y_puff/gifts).



> Technically this was written, on time, for Kanda's birthday. It's also based off a piece of fanart a1y-puff showed me, so really blame her for giving motivation to write this. And post it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

If this was any other time, Kanda would be pointing out that Allen still wasn't as tall as him. If this was any other time, Kanda would be giving a snide remark, probably even pulling away, but it wasn't. Because now, despite the cold air and the fact they both were worn out (and slowly, slowly healing in his case) from the recent Akuma attack, Allen was tall enough to easily prop his head on his shoulder. He’d just gotten done telling… _ one _ possible version of his childhood and if what he needed was a shoulder to lean on? Then fuck it, Kanda would give him that.

It wasn’t like anything could get more awkward between them. In fact he was pretty sure they were long past that stage, even if this would be considered a fair exchange. After all, Allen hadn’t exactly  _ asked _ to see his shitty backstory—it just happened because of mind-reading manipulative Noah’s. Even now, the reason Kanda was here  _ was because of that _ . Because even if he wanted to die—to be given that choice _ to _ die? He couldn’t.

He owed him.

So a listening ear and a shoulder were easy extras to give. He’d already been risking his life before now, it wasn’t like he was going to fucking  _ stop _ .

Suddenly Allen let out a watery-sounding laugh against his shoulder and reached out with one hand, twisting it in the fabric of his Exorcist jacket like it was a lifeline, “Thanks.” He muttered, followed by a soft, “Sorry. Give me a minute.”

Kanda snorted but remained still, it wasn’t like standing here was going to kill him. All the Akuma had either fled or been cut down and while the threat of an actual  _ Noah _ approaching was always very real, Allen hadn’t given them any indication of their whereabouts (having run so far from the actual location the Akuma spawned from). Even Kanda’s golem, who’d flown off in search of Tiedoll and Johnny, hadn’t shown back up. Granted Kanda wasn’t exactly sure, still, how far away they were. Allen had given him the name of the town, but Kanda never had a reason to learn geography and he wasn’t going to start learning now.

They didn’t even know where they were going to begin with.

It was when Allen actually shivered that Kanda realized  _ fuck _ it was getting dark out. They at least needed to start a fire, or find shelter of some kind. While their jackets were definitely durable, they’d been forced to use the  _ Ark _ and it had gone based off  _ feelings _ , not necessarily anything  _ else _ —which meant it didn’t fucking care that their shit was still probably with Tiedoll in that Innocence Carriage. They also didn’t have any money either, and Kanda only had so many buttons left of his jacket before  _ that _ would be gone too.

“Oi,” He started, making Allen jerk just a little, “We need to get somewhere warmer. We’re close to town—”

“And it’s not a good idea to go back.” Allen sighed into his shoulder before finally pulling away, his eyes were a little red, but Kanda chose to ignore that when he finally turned around to watch him, “Yeah.” He ran a hand through his longer-than-normal bangs, “I’d say maybe there’s a cheap inn somewhere, I still have some cash—somewhere.” He fumbled around a few of his pockets with a frown before pulling out a wad of cash. “Won’t last us long but maybe a room for the night—if you don’t mind sharing.” He hesitated here, smiling a little bashfully and honestly? Fuck after everything—

“It’ll give us time to plan our next step.” Kanda decided it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Even if Allen meant  _ sharing a bed _ and not just a  _ room _ . They’d been on enough missions before, though usually they were able to get their own rooms on those. “Okay. Lead the way. You know where we are.”

Even if he still technically didn’t spend a lot of time here, it’d been memorable enough to send them here. Though Kanda had a feeling Allen had left some details out in his backstory (the abridged version, possibly) he knew better than to point that out. He wasn’t  _ that _ much of an asshole.

Just like Allen was doing a good job of not pointing out the whole fact that Kanda came  _ back _ . Out of ‘duty’. Kanda didn’t really want to elaborate either. So they were at a stalemate. A perfect amount of information exchange to be able to work together. If that would hold? Well, they’d find out or Tiedoll would find them first. Kanda hadn’t realized how important Johnny was until he was no longer here, hell, was Link still following them? If so  _ then _ what? There were just as many unknowns to stack up against the knowns—and Kanda knew there would only be  _ more _ .

They had a destination, though: a place to get to.

But for now they just needed some place warm.

***

The inn was just about as shitty as Allen warned it would be. It was one bed, a desk, a chair, and a door that led to a small, thankfully private, bathroom. Clearly meant for only a nights' stay—no more. Unless they expected them to just not take a shower. Not that Kanda minded being dirty, it was a necessity that came along with traveling. He  _ also _ knew they got the best of the best with The Black Order so he wasn’t going to complain, especially when right now that status wasn’t doing him any favors. But at least they were warm without their jackets on, so Kanda could at least take it off for now—and wait for his turn in the bathroom. He’d already chosen a side of the bed, and was now lying on it, wondering yet again what their next plan of action was. His golem was trained specifically on him, and especially if it found Tiedoll? He knew it would be able to find them here.

He could only hope it happened quickly. Tiedoll could only give his help for so long before the others got suspicious. While it was just like Kanda to go off and do his own damn thing, Tiedoll? Had been a General for much, much longer.  _ His _ goal would be something different. Yes, maybe he knew there would be help in branches Kanda wasn’t even aware of, but The Order definitely didn’t seem like one of them. Who the fuck knew what they’d do to Allen if they captured him again? Killing him almost seemed too easy.

And if they tried, would Neah come out? Would Neah come out  _ now _ ? Kanda was certain he could handle it, hell  _ Tiedoll could _ too. But Johnny almost died, and of course Neah would know to go for the weakest link first, so he’d have to make sure Tiedoll knew  _ that _ too. Fuck. They hadn’t had a chance to talk very long, had they? No. Not enough at all.

The water shutting off and the door clicking open was enough to snap Kanda back to the present. Allen came tumbling out, looking half-dead, with his hair slightly damp around his face. He was still awake, though, but only barely. “All yours.” He mumbled, easily stumbling over to the other side of the bed before sitting down on it. He didn’t even seem to care that Kanda was still lying there.

Not that Kanda would make him sleep on the floor, and not that Allen would make  _ him _ sleep on the floor either. Not that Kanda was about to bring that up, he knew he’d at least not be sore in the morning  _ but still _ . A bed was much nicer than the damn floor. It was only when he didn’t move immediately that it seemed to dawn on Allen exactly what their position was. Immediately he glanced over, almost warily, but when their eyes met? Whatever Allen saw, it definitely didn’t make him move.

He’d never been afraid of him, had he?

At least now that was a good thing.

Kanda met his gaze steadily, before nodding his head and shifting off the bed. Like Allen he made quick use of the bathroom, and even made sure to splash his face with water much like Allen did. It was enough to wake him up and to remind him  _ yes it’s fucking cold outside _ before he made his way back into the room. Allen was still sitting where he had been, moments before, and almost looked like he was about to drift off to sleep when Kanda muttered, “At least get under the covers. Weren’t you cold?”

Maybe he should have been louder, because Allen jumped, then floundered for a second, before grabbing onto the side of the bed, “Oh. Right.” He glanced down then back up at Kanda, “I can—”

“Take the floor?” Kanda snorted, “It’s just for one night. It won’t kill me to share.” Maybe he, again, needed to work on his word-choice, because the look on Allen’s face quickly morphed to concern. He could see the question bubbling up on his lips and  _ knew _ —he had a few seconds to either deflect, or actually maybe  _ answer _ the goddamn question because—

Would it really be so bad?

“How are you not dead?” Granted it was asked much quieter than Kanda expected. In fact the look on Allen’s face shifted between so many emotions (some, not so good) that he couldn’t even pinpoint it before he continued, “I mean. I  _ know _ you heal, but that was—I thought you’d—”

“—Died?” Kanda snorted and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge Allen wasn’t on and sighed, “I couldn’t. I told you that. Not yet. I won’t until this is over.” For whatever given value of ‘over’ it was. Until Allen died? Probably. Until they killed the Noah? Maybe. Found out the meaning behind them? Behind what Neah was here for? Another maybe. There were so many fucking  _ maybe’s _ Kanda wasn’t sure. He just knew this life? Was now not entirely his to give away. “I heal slower. But I always have been, since before.” He knew Allen had seen those past memories, of him losing a fucking  _ arm _ and  _ laughing _ about it. He knew what he used to be able to heal from, and he wasn’t stupid. “I’ll be careful.”

“No you won’t.” Allen blurted out, “I mean, I’m glad—you’re here. Helping.” He glanced away for a second like the words were still hard to get out. He was probably thinking of what he told him—the story he shared, the  _ memories _ that were still pretty fucked up, and definitely not normal for  _ any kid to experience _ probably, but still one of a supposedly normal young boy—“And I know you’re not just going to stop. You’re going to keep following me. If—Tiedoll finds us, you’d even still follow me after that. Even if it doesn’t work out.”

Kanda shrugged. The answer was obvious at this point, even if it was also probably stupid.

“Would you die if your Innocence turned against you?” Now  _ that _ question was a bit more out there. Not exactly something Kanda had been expecting.

“Ask Komui, not me.” Not that they’d probably ever see the guy again, “He probably knows. Or Bak does.” After all he still had the files on hand, of exactly how he was ‘made’, and again the Innocence hadn’t exactly  _ killed him _ back then, either. Now, with the Crystal Type? The only other user was Lenalee. She was still at the Order, technically still doing what the Innocence wanted, “If I become a Fallen is up to it, too, I guess.” Who the fuck knew what the Innocence was thinking, “Are you worried?”

“Yes!” Allen snapped, “Yes! Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be? It’s in your blood!” He held his arm up here, almost like he was making a point, “I might, too. Maybe. I don’t know if it’s even possible for a Noah to  _ wield  _ Innocence,” A ghostly look passed over his face and for an instant Kanda remembered—

Those scars he had. The scream of pain.

Yes, Innocence fucking  _ hurt Noah’s _ . He was an oxymoron if there ever was one. At least in theory, even though Kanda had his own body, his brain (and in theory, the vague memories he had because of them) was connected to the Innocence that was now in his Blood. That was the whole point of the 2 nd Exorcist project. To see if the compatibility was connected to the brain. In the end it had been forced out, or possibly connected just out of sheer  _ need _ .

Allen had two different people residing in him entirely. The Noah Neah, and those memories, and Allen Walker—the boy who possibly was only a fabrication of a person to begin with. He didn’t know,  _ Kanda _ didn’t know, Cross  _ may  _ have known  _ something _ —all of which leading up to now.

Fuck.

Kanda took a deep breath before holding his arms out, so Allen could see the scars the Innocence made, “I don’t know.” He answered, “My healing has slowed  _ down _ , and I haven’t done anything  _ yet _ to go against it.” He thought for a moment, “Suman, right? He exchanged information for a while before he was found out. I don’t know the exact  _ requirements _ it chooses—but that’s still  _ time _ . Time we can  _ use _ .” They already needed to hurry for other reasons entirely. This was just another tick mark in that column.

Allen still looked distraught, though, and for once Kanda couldn’t be  _ too _ irritated with him, because he understood  _ why _ . Of course he did, he wasn’t an idiot. He knew how Allen was—he didn’t want anyone to suffer, even if that meant taking on twice as much suffering in their place. “I’m not a martyr like you.” He finally muttered, lying back on the bed, all while feeling Allen’s eyes on him, “I’ll tell you. If I notice anything. Now  _ you _ need to sleep. If Tiedoll finds us in a few hours I’m not carrying you if you’re tired.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews, as always, would be much appreciated if you choose to give them!


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